2008-03-09 - 10:26 p.m.
fucking beautiful

Feeling- idk creative and imaginative
Listening to- Sick Puppies “rock kids” (my newest love. They are absolutely wonderful)

I’m in one of those moods, I guess you could say. Everything is so fucking beautiful. Even the depressing, its absolutely gorgeous. Its weird I guess, but I’m overflowing with random ideas, random thoughts. Its gorgeous. I feel so creative. I want to spawn real life versions of my thoughts. Even if its far from pretty, I want to create.

I want to feel it all. Feel it all so thoroughly that I can’t stand it. Its one of those moods where you can appreciate that beauty of the art. Where you can listen to the music, and understand it, but more than that, you can feel it. It flows through, tickling your inner muses, igniting your imaginative fires. At first its too fucking hot, but then your slap on the sunscreen, and are ready for the long haul. I don’t know. Its hard to describe. I feel like screaming. But its such a good feeling.

I want to fucking feel it all. I want to see it all. I want to hear it all. I feel so fucking alive. Everything fucking sucks right now, but I don’t care. I’m broke, but everything feels okay. I guess that’s weird, and perhaps not normal.

But darling, I have plans. Haha big plans. Plans that involve getting the fuck away from here. Seeing the whole fucking world. Experiencing something soooo fucking surreal. Things have to be amazing, things have to end up well. I’m gonna do it right, by doing everything they said I couldn’t. I’m not gonna follow what they want me to. it’s the feeling.

I don’t really get it, but god everything is wonderful, but so shitty at the same time. Idk maybe its like the calm before the storm. Maybe its sounding slightly sane, before the nervous breakdown. I don’t know, and I don’t care.

*Always and Forever*